Let’s work with that resistance during a coaching session!
Starting a coaching or therapy trajectory isn’t an easy step. Many of us experience resistance to start. That’s no problem. Your resistance is natural. Let’s work with that resistance!
Resistance as a starting point
Many of us experience some form of doubt or resistance to start a trajectory with a coach, counsellor or therapist. We fear what might come up. We aren’t sure if it will help us. We are hesitant if this coach or therapist is right for us. We can think of a bunch of reasons not to do it.
I just want to let you know THAT IS NORMAL.
A wonderfully important session with my client
Recently a client and I had a valuable session together. We looked at her motivation to “do the work” (of self discovery and development) on the one hand, and her resistance to do so on the other hand. Both were there simultaneously.
The Resistance said: “Why go into this, why would you? Can’t you simply live on like this? It’s going pretty alright, no?”. Immediately followed by her Adult Self replying: “It will be tough and painful, but damn I could live on like this, but what would I be missing?”
Making room for all the contradicting feelings
When I am present when this happens, I help the client to make room for the resistance. We investigate what it wants to tell us. What concerns it has. And we take those concerns seriously. For example, when the client has resistance out of fear for it “being too much”.
This legit fear of overwhelm wants to be heard and recognised. So we honor it. And then we make a plan to make the client feel safe throughout the sessions. Only when that’s taken care of, do we begin unpacking the material the client wants to look at. The Adult Self then feels willing and able.
This hesitancy is normal and natural
Believe me when I say that almost all of my clients were hesitant to start therapy or coaching. So we discuss it. We look at it. We let the resistance speak. We listen to it. And only then do we move on.
Looking at your resistance could be a great starting point. It’s also a great taster, to experience how I work and to determine if I’m the right fit for you. No pressure.
Don’t let that natural feeling of resistance keep you from taking that important first step.